1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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