im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
