I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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