I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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