I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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