Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
