I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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