You're completely useless in the revolution.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My liver just broke up with me...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
