oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
As shirtless as possible
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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