someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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