You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
