just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she told me i tasted like america
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
