I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
