Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
