There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
