I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
