me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
