so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Porn is love you can see.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
