break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The adults are the big ones right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
