Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
