Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
