i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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