The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
