who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found puke in my bra..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There r osticjed everywhere
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
