oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
