Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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