So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
