you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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