Betty ford says i'm here all night
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
