it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
