So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
