Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
