yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
