Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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