i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
