I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
