1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
