Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
