the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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