when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
