you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
