I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
