I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
