he told me I talked like a deaf person
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
