she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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