my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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