so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
being pregnant is like rehab
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
