Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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