Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
dude. I can hear the air.
we should paint friendship bongs
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