he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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