You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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