I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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