The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
