There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Randomize
